Anyway... today, I'm looking at Nintendo. Yes. Nintendo. Oh, who am I kidding, I love you Nintendo. Seriously, my life would have no meaning without Legend of Zelda.
But... there is one teensey little thing I wanna gripe about.
Your fake little attempts at going online.
First of all, all of us remember Gamecube. It had online capability... for ONE GAME. Phantasy Star.
Before I continue, read this comic: VG Cats 81.
So, we had squat last generation. And it still feels like we have squat now.
Nintendo has pulled a move with the Wii and Nintendo DS called the Nintendo WiFi Connection and... friend codes. And waiting for the next age of history to find people online to play.
I am talking about my DS experience here... the Wii any better?:
First of all friend codes and the online communit. Yes I said communit. Because adding a 'y' would make it the full word 'community'. The WFC's communit takes about 5 minutes to randomly find and select about 1-3 other players for whatever game you're playing and throws you all in a game together. With ZERO interaction. This way, the only way you can offend people is if you draw foul words or images on your Mario Kart Kart's custom decal. Them, after everyone quits midgame because someone was being a cheap winner, you get to start all over again and wait for more random opponents to show up.
C'mon... can't there be like, little servers with games in them that you can join, like oh, almost every other online computer game in existance? I can turn on Gunbound right now, log into a beginner's or advanced server, click a game, and boom, game starts. Plus... I can actually talk to people. Not EVERYONE online has the username '2H4wt4yerm0m' and swears every sentence. Jeez.
I also see the the little voice input on the DS... and you guys at Nintendo even make a Voice headset for the DS. But you only have one US game with voice chat, and it only works with friends.
Friend codes suck. You and your friend just give eachother their friend codes, kinda like phone numbers, and you can't play unless you both know you're online at the same time. Meaning... you need a phone or computer. And yeah, when you play, you can only select to play ONLY random people OR search for everyone online from your friends list. Good luck telling your friend 8 time zones across the world when you'll be at McDonalds to use the WiFi there.
And finally... connection. Oh god... if there was any way Nintendo was saying "We don't want you online" this is it. I mean... how hard is it... no seriously, tell me... HOW HARD IS IT TO PUT A DIRECT CONNECTION JACK ON THE DS!!!?? It is JUST the right size!!! Look, I'm sticking my finger on my DS Lite right where it could be. See? SEE!? Why limit it to ONLY WiFi!!??? YOU IDIOTS!!!!
WiFi. The magical answer to everything. It's what technology is so suped up about these days. Everything is going wireless! And the biggest pain to set up.
You have to be a freakin genius (and the right kind of router owner) to set up your DS for WiFi. You gotta know WEP keys, Mac Adress, IP address, Subnet mask, Gateway, Primary and Secondary DNS... the works. It is because of all these flipping settings that no ordinary router connection will work with your DS. You got a DS, and wanna get it online with your router? Be my guest, but remember after you alter your settings for your DS, make sure you alter every other computer in your household to match up with the changes you made. Assuming you graduated college with a computer science major.
No ordinary connection works... so if even if you are lucky to find a free WiFi connection somewhere, good luck on getting your DS to play on it!!!
Oh yeah, places like McDonalds (so far I think America only... Japan you bastards!) have free WiFi for your DS... but... it's only good for playing random people. Like I said before, how are you gonna play your friend on the other side of the world without some computer communication? Or even SOME KIND OF COMMUNICATION THE DS CAN DO! WOULD A DS-COMPUTER INSTANT MESSENGER BE SO HARD TO MAKE!? WHAT IS THE POINT OF PICTOCHAT IF ITS NOT ONLINE!?
I have DS friends in Yokohama, California, and later after they leave TUFS: in Canada and England. Not to mention my sister in Rhode Island. If only it weren't such a science project to play with them all.
For you people who have either: have a router but don't know how to set it for DS, have a router but its not compatible, or are not into spending 100 dollars on something you don't need because your computers have direct connections, then well, we have the DS WiFi Usb Connector. Just 35 overpriced bucks for a crappy piece of plastic. At least it works. I still think not having a direct connection on the DS is unforgivable.
Oh yeah... to all you college students wanting to play their DS's online... YOU'RE SCREWED! School firewalls block the WFC. And... I am a college student too. I... I feel your pain! D:
Ladies and gentlemen... a special announcement. I finally found a place nearby where I can get free WiFi that works for my DS. A hotel. If I can fix up my computer's network card, I can use my computer there too. I can sit on the outside stairs in the cold wind and play online. Don't have like a communal lounge or anything there. Thanks for the location, Freespot.com! I look foward to breaking my neck on those rusty stairs stairs soon!
(Of course I could properly rent a room for the night and use the WiFi... but that's expensive, and the Wifi is free even to nonpaying customers. It says so. Meh.)
A little tip for you router owners. If you're having trouble setting up your DS for WiFi, try lowering your encryption rate from 128-bit to 64-bit. Sure it lowers your security and raises the threat of your network bing hacked, but it makes your DS connect better. Cheers!
EDIT: Another tip for you WiFi-ers. Whether its a router or the USB connector, and you have tried everything and it still doesn't work... its probably a firewall. So if you wanna play, either carefully set it up, or you have to turn the firewall off. That's even more security! (/sarcasm) Apparently Nintendo forgot to note that it was a trusted source to the world. School, work, college etc firewalls all block the WFC. Firewalls everywhere hate Nintendo!
Well... that's the end of my rant. Good luck getting your DS's and Wii's online! If you get your DS online by some miracle, drop me a line! As soon as I get my network card working again, we can exchange friend codes and hopefully be on at the same time!
Ciao! Be sure to tune in for my next rant, the Tokyo Address System!
"We don't want you online!"
-Nintendo
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